Posted by / Category London /

As some of you may know, I have recently been outed as the wife of an Executive of a global company. For the record, we have been living together for more than 21 years, we first met at uni, we used to travel together in cheap hotels around Bali, and we have two children together. I don’t understand why my marital status has all of a sudden become a matter of interest but hey, here we are. This makes me wonder: maybe it’s time for more general outspokenness on my side. After all, you might as well hear gossip from me rather than from the press. Straight from the horse’s mouth and all that…So here we are: I want to share with you the 33 things that I do even before the school run.

  • 1. Phone call at around 3am. Really? Hubby is somewhere on the other side of the world and finally has a break during one of his many meetings. He’s calling me to catch up and discuss last night parents meeting. Can’t remember exactly what I tell him. Go back to sleep. Forget to tell him that the art teacher thinks I am a single mum. Need to keep my options open anyway.
  • 2. Phone is vibrating again. Have received a flurry of emails regarding hubby’s next month travel arrangements. Put the phone on silent. Checked my Twitter, FB & blog just in case. All OK. Back to sleep.
  • 3. Realise I have missed a WhatsApp message from elder daughter. Her friend has stayed over to work on geography project, too late to catch a bus back, etc. Mental note to self: prepare breakfast for one more teenager. As am awake I google hubby’s company name, his name and mine.
  • 4. Annoyed to find out that I am called ‘gabby’ by a female journalist in national newspapers. Must come clean: have to look up what ‘gabby’ means. So much for the sisterhood and all that, right? Stalk the author of the piece on Twitter and magnify her picture. Nope, I don’t know her. Maybe she’s a bit bitter? Have got more followers than her on Twitter. Back to sleep.
  • 5. Wake up. Am confused: was called ‘shy’ by an Australian gossip columnist just ten days ago. Me, shy? Really? Said journalist clearly can’t read women, especially French ones. Nagging question: what am I? Gabby or shy? Anyway, who cares? Must send a tweet to my followers to get their opinion.
  • 6. Have a coffee. It’s 5am but am awake anyway. Might go for a run. Hubby usually runs at that time when he’s in London. Nah, it’s too dark. And cold. Empty the dishwasher. Set table. Put laundry in the machine. Whoever invented the colour catcher paper is genius.
  • 7. Call from France. Mum has just read an article about hubby in the pile of newspapers she was going to throw away and wanted to let me know. Mum, it was more than two weeks ago. She said she hadn’t realised that his company was Brazilian. Because it’s a Brazilian name, right? She hangs up. Wait! What? Never mind.
  • 8. Need coffee. Have coffee.
  • 9. Get dressed. Usual yoga pants and T-shirt will do.
  • 10. Check email. One of the tenants of my warehouses in France has run out of toilet paper. I immediately order a top up from Amazon. They might deliver it today. In bulk. Good. Crisis averted.
  • 11. Check Twitter and press articles. There is a picture of me (where is it coming from?) and a comment: ‘Since when do resource industry executives have supermodel wives?’. That’s me! Chuffed to bits. Am ‘legendary’ ‘stylish’ and ‘glamorous’. Time to come clean: I am an Engineer. I used to be able to drive a train and project manage signalling systems. Might call model agency to offer my services. Might be the start of a new career.
  • 12. Need another coffee. Have another coffee.
  • 13. Set table, too lazy to cook so buy some bread & pastries at local boulangerie around the corner. They think I am a writer since I gave them a copy of my book. I love them.
  • 14. Get dressed again: forgot I have a meeting today. Need to be more formal.
  • 15. Children still sleeping, we are going to be late.
  • 16. Text from hubby. Meeting went well. The official he talked to wants us to come and visit the country. First thought: maybe I could find myself a nice marathon or an ultra there. That would be good
  • 17. Shout to wake kids up. Younger one is arguing with older one. Have to separate them. Younger one trips on the stairs and blames older one. There are tears.
  • 18. Hubby on his way to airport. Bad traffic. He can’t find the blue iPad. Is-it on the desk? Climb the stairs to check. iPad is here.
  • 19. Realise that two friends stayed over, not one. Hope they’ll have enough to eat.
  • 20. An army of grumpy teenagers has invaded the kitchen to have breakfast. I finish my daughter’s pain au chocolat on top of my usual waffle. Why would you leave some pain au chocolat? I’ll have to run today. Forget about my budding modeling career. Damn it.
  • 21. Is it make up I see on my younger daughter’s face? What? Start removing it. She shouts at me, it’s just to hide a pimple. Am not convinced.
  • 22. Insist that the kids must brush their teeth. They sort of do. Sort of.
  • 23. Hubby’s plane is late. As usual. Might not make it for dinner. Could I please go to the dry cleaner today?
  • 24. We finally get out of the house. False alarm. Younger one has forgotten her shoes.
  • 25. We go back and find shoes in the basement after frantic search of the whole house.
  • 26. Hubby texts to tell us plane is about to push back. Can’t remember how long the flight is from wherever he must be. 10 hours? 13 hours?
  • 27. Don’t understand why none of my children can find two similar socks. Will have to investigate later, we have to go now.
  • 28. Close the door and get worried that I might have forgotten the keys inside. Turns out, I haven’t. Phew!
  • 29. Can’t find bloody car. We run around the block. Check calendar during the run. Neighbour seems to be impressed to see everybody running behind me. He clearly believes it’s a little pre-school jog. How healthy. He looks impressed with my French parenting skills. Little one has netball match tonight. Had forgotten.
  • 30. We really have to leave now, where is the bloody car?
  • 31. Did I brush my teeth?
  • 32. Pigeons have pooped all over the car, that’s why I couldn’t recognise it.
  • 33. We finally go to school. Glad we made it!

 

  • Glad my call has been left out of this litany of chaos. On top of everything else you don’t want to be outed as having a friend who is a predatory Bird and I never realised I have a gabby Super Model friend!

  • Ronald

    All I’ll say is that hell hath no fury….. And this book I read several years ago is still pertinent to the 21st Century: Killing My Own Snakes: A Memoir – by Ann Leslie

    • Thanks for the recommendation, I’ll check it out!

  • I forgot all the fun when there were five in the house.
    Thanks for reminding me there is some benefit to an empty nest.

    • Five in the house? I can barely cope with two + army of friends. How did you do it? Am tired just thinking of it…

  • Emily Willemin

    Wow! Fancy! I have pre-race pictures with a super model! I didn’t realize you were in gossip columns, I’ll have to start reading them. 🙂

    • Ahem…Between you and me you are not missing much with the gossip columns. I miss Arizona a lot. Had the time of my life. What a race! I still have stars in my eyes. Should have stayed in the canyon. I absolutely loved Phoenix & will let you know when I am back!

  • This was funny to read 🙂 Even though I had to Google what ousting you were talking about.

    • Glad you found it funny! And I really don’t understand why suddenly a certain press is coming after me. It’s a bit childish, isn’t it? Anyway, onwards & upwards and all that. I hope you are well! x