There is something going on in London. You just have to walk through the streets of Hammersmith, Kensington or Chelsea to notice it: the French are everywhere. Despite the fact that the French government seems to be denying it, the French are coming to London ‘en masse’. This is an invasion. Just go to South Kensington tube station if you don’t believe me.
I am not too happy about this. The sad truth is, I used to feel thinner over here. Well, not any more. Lots of Femmes Fatales are walking along the streets and I feel like I have put on some weight, which is not nice. Nowhere is safe: London is becoming like Paris, full of lovely brunettes with long legs and stylish skirts. What’s next? The menus in the restaurants are all in French, they mention ‘amuse-bouche’ , ‘brioche’ and ‘a la carte’ dishes. Crepes are trendier than pancakes. Most of the waiting staff in Kensington is French, and most waitresses look like off-duty models. I am starting to feel overshadowed by the beauty of the lovely creature bringing my food. And, of course, we are all sipping cafes as opposed to coffees. London is rapidly becoming a French city.
Apparently, new French schools will open shortly, because the French lycee is over-subscribed. Such schools will follow the French curriculum. Being French-educated in London is very posh, despite the fact that you barely learn to speak English! It is supposed to give your CV some cachet. I can’t believe it.
In London you can easily find French brands –at a premium, of course. And if you are not a French brand, it looks like having a French name does the magic too. I never really understood why, but a French word is likely to increase your profits. Look no further than Agent provocateur: it is a British brand selling lingerie at a premium. Simple but effective.
What I love most is when French tourists are asking me for directions. I tend to reply in French to save them the embarrassment of speaking English. They thentell me that ‘My French is Excellent’. How funny.
The French seriously considered invading London during the 18th century. Their various attempts were all unsuccessful. No need to send an army to invade Britain: just raise the taxes and all French will flock to London. And it is happening now.
C’est la vie.
Muriel – A French Yummy Mummy In London