Before I start talking about the UK citizenship test, I have to share something with you: yesterday, I was buying a lovely falafel sandwich on Tachbrook Street, in the heart of Pimlico. I happen to love this market, the food is always super fresh, very tasty and extremely cheap (£3 for a lovely falafel sandwich).
Anyway, it was reasonably early and there were only two clients (including me) waiting for their falafel. Shorty after, a British gentleman arrived. He looked quite puzzled. His first question was “Where is the queue?” . He couldn’t believe that there was no need for a proper British queue when there were only two clients. He really seemed upset. Sympathetic, the Egyptian shop owner told him “No queue today, Sir” and the English client seemed quite shocked. I hope he managed to get over it.
Anyway, I digress. My husband is now preparing his UK citizenship test (I am proud to say that I have already passed it) and I have to admit that the questions are pretty dull. Basically, it is all about knowing some facts and figures by heart. I have therefore decided to design what I believe to be a more relevant test to establish whether you are truly British. Here it is:
1. You need to be able to walk in the rain and in strong winds while firmly holding your umbrella. Don’t laugh, it is more difficult than it sounds. I asked on Twitter what the secret was, and here is the answer, thanks to @FranglaiseMummy “You put your head as hard into the umbrella as possible and attempt to walk into the wind. Move the umbrella as required to block the wind.” This will be a very useful skill, especially after the bad weather we are having in London.
2. You need to be able to go for a jog during a very cold and rainy winter day in short pants and T-shirt. Evidence of this will be required.
3. You need to be able to queue for more than 45mins without complaining. A smile on your face, even a fake one, is an added bonus.
4. When you look for a house to buy or to rent, you need to be able to say: “the location of this house is great” or anything positive really, despite the fact that the house is massively overpriced and that’s all you can think about.
5. You need to spend a whole day without saying “No”. Just forget about this word. Obviously, you are allowed to say that you “don’t disagree”, you “might consider it” , and so on, an so forth…Just be creative.
6. You need to be able to survive on baked beans and cheap toasts for a couple of days. No cheating allowed.
7. You have to go to work or do the school run in your pajamas as if it were perfectly normal. Don’t blink an eye and act perfectly normal.
So, how did you score? As for me, I might almost be there officially but I suspect I still have some way to go…
Muriel – A French Yummy Mummy In London