It happened over the weekend. I was reading various newspapers when I stumbled upon yet another article on French women: this one explained that we French women are ditching tampons in favour of -wait for it- ‘instinctive bleeding’. You can read it here: http://metro.co.uk/2015/09/04/french-women-are-ditching-tampons-in-favour-of-instinctive-bleeding-using-pelvic-floor-muscles-5375971/
Seriously? Does anyone believe this? Call me wonder-woman please. I am totally in control of my bleeding and can hold it in. It is one of the many, many superpowers we French women enjoy. Don’t try to argue, it’s in our genes. You will never get it.
Seriously, this article is so wrong that I actually find it hilarious. Thanks for the laugh, guys. Right. Where to start? First, let me make a few things clear:
- Whoever practices ‘instinctive bleeding’ has probably never had kids. Because whatever your nationality, once you are a mother, you are happy not to pee when you sneeze or laugh. And you learn to enjoy such small victories. I know that it doesn’t sound like much, but take my word for it, it can be a massive achievement, and some of us have to spend a lot of time doing our pelvic floor exercises to regain control of muscles we didn’t even know existed. Controlling our bleeding? Come on, it doesn’t even come close to the priority list…
- To cut a long story short, ditching tampons or pads would be very, very unhygienic (see former point if you are not convinced. Who wants to have pee AND possibly blood on their clothes? Any volunteers? Well, not me. And I happen to be French). Oh, and I apologise for being blunt, this is my blog and I am tired of being told to tone it down.
- I think that someone needs to tell the ‘instinctive bleeder’ lot that whoever has hold it in for more than a few months is either pregnant or suffering from the onset of menopause. You see, I am no doctor, but I know a few things. Just saying.
This article made me wonder what was next. Me being me, I tried to find some headlines for future articles on French women. I will submit them to various newspapers to see if they like them. What can I say, I like to be helpful. Here we go:
- French women wake up already made up (again, it’s in our genes)
- French women are ALWAYS right (women are always right anyway, so they won’t be taking a big risk with this one).
- French women can stuff their faces and stay skinny (Oh wait, I saw that on an ad this weekend as well, have a look here: http://www.styleite.com/news/longchamp-debuts-skinny-white-frenchwomen-eating-carbs-in-short-film/ )
- French women have a gazillion lovers (yeah right, as if…see my take on the Ashley Madison issue if you want my opinion. http://frenchyummymummy.com/the-ashley-madison-issue/)
- French women don’t go to the loo (we are glamorous creatures and don’t need toilets)
Any other ideas? How gullible can people be as far as French women are concerned? I really wonder. There seems to be no end to the non-sense…